Exercise Addiction

Disclaimer!! Not everyone with an eating disorder has an addiction to exercise.

When I first developed an eating disorder, I did not really have an addiction to exercise, however it appeared gradually after a few months. I couldn’t understand if I actually enjoyed exercising or made myself believe that I did.

If you are also unsure about your relationship with exercise, look at the statements below.

Is your relationship with exercise unhealthy?

1. You feel guilty if you skip a day of exercise

2. You lose sleep in order to exercise

3. You skip social engagements in order to exercise

4. You exercise even when you are injured or against your doctor’s advice

5. You feel anxious and restless when you cannot exercise

6. You exercise in order to compensate for what you’ve eaten, or to “earn” certain foods

If you answered “yes” to any of the above, you might benefit from changing your habits or even speaking to someone about your movement. Be honest with yourself, although it can be a hard thing to admit.

For me, exercise became an addiction. Skipping a workout had a profound effect on my emotions: I would become disappointed in myself and unhappy (PS: this is not healthy). I had a set number of hours I needed to exercise each week and in order to achieve the goal, sometimes I worked out during the most extreme times of the day, e.g 3-4 am…

The turning point in my exercise journey was exam season. I remember talking to my mom saying how exercise is taking too much time that I could’ve spent on studying, which made me very stressed as getting perfect grades was crucial in my academic journey. My mom’s answer was:

“You need to set out your priorities and focus on them first. Exercising right now won’t benefit your studies that much, and your goal is to get in your dream university. Focus on this now. You can always get the habit of exercising back once you’re done with your exams, if you want that.”

These words really struck me. For a few weeks I did not exercise at all and did not feel guilty about it because consciously I knew that it was the right decision.

My biggest fear, and probably of those who are struggling with exercise addiction, is that lack of physical activity will cause weight gain. I was always terrified of not burning enough calories, but after I stopped exercising, I’ve realized that my appetite adjusted. My body did not want excess amount of food. As a matter of fact, I stated eating more intuitively. I learnt to listen to my body and honor its hunger signals. Did I gain weight because of stopping to exercise? No. Did I lose my muscles and stored more fat? No.

I think this break was much needed to me. It healed my relationship with exercise. It made me realized that sometimes we don’t have enough time to honor all our priorities and have to choose some above the others and prioritize them. I once published an Instagram reel about “My 5 lives” which got very popular and reached many views. The point of the trend was to show your main priorities. Mine were books/reading, cooking/mindful eating, friend/fun, studying and sports. Someone commented saying “wish I could balance all of them”. I’ve answered the person that all these activities have to be mindfully engaged in and enjoyed in the process, instead of being forced so that they can be balanced. My advice still holds, but I want to make an addition. When I posted that video, I had fewer responsibilities compared to some time later. Looking in retrospect, I can say that our time, abilities, and energy are limited: sometimes it is impossible to balance everything, and we need to sacrifice certain priorities. You might encounter people who seem very “put together” (I was certainly told that many times), but at the same time you don’t know their inner struggles and concerns. Don’t compare yourself to anyone, each journey is different and paths to achieve the final goals also vary.

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There is no reason to deny health benefits of exercise, however, physical activity will only cause you harm if you are not nourishing yourself sufficiently, or you are not letting your body rest + respecting its needs. As a matter of fact, rest days are necessary. There are many benefits such as:

- Preventing muscle fatigue

- Reducing risk of injury

- Improving performance

Goals of physical activity are enhancing your wellbeing and lifting your mood (apart from improving health). However, they will be achieved only if exercising is enjoyable, rather than torturous.

Exercise freedom allowed me to socialize more and enjoy my time spent with others.

 Now instead of planning my routine around my exercise schedule, I plan my exercise schedule around my day routine.

For me, it is more important to hang out with my friends than exercise an X amount of time. I no longer feel guilty of not reaching my time goal (as a matter of fact I don’t have one), instead I participate in the activities that make me happy and improve my wellbeing. Finding a type of physical activity that benefits your goals and is enjoyable is something that I recommend to everyone. It might be climbing, or even playing badminton with friends. For example, my recent discovery is swimming; I love the feeling of how strong my back feels after a swimming session, as I spent a lot of time at the desk during the week.

Ask yourself: “Do you enjoy the type of exercise you are participating in now?” Don’t punish yourself with excess cardio if you hate it. It might not even be that beneficial for you.

Another point to understand is that your exercise preferences can change over time. Something that you liked in the past, might no longer appeal to you and that’s fine. Look for a new activity or just take a break!

For me personally, exercising is another form of socializing. I’ve met many people through physical activity: I play tennis with my best friend (who I met at the tennis club), me and my other best friend go to the gym together, I have a swimming buddy etc.

It is extremely challenging to break a habit, but sometimes it is crucial for improving health and wellbeing. Even some habits that may seem beneficial, can have a drastic impact on life.

Stopping exercising will not ruin your life, trust me. As a matter of fact, it might improve it in some circumstances. If there is something that I would like you take out of this article, that it is this: listen to your body and honor its wishes. You don’t want to exercise? It is completely fine to have a rest day and lay on your bed. Do the things that are enjoyable and benefit you. Remember, you are your most harsh critic, be kinder to yourself.